Robin Brown is 786 years old, which is a lie. His star sign is Leo, which isn’t very interesting. He lives near Sunderland in a place called the 1980s and, when he’s not taking his face for a shite, he bores people to tears with his relentless admiration of dual icons Elvis Presley and Marco Gabbiadini.

Robin first surfaced in a Transylvanian orphanage in 1966 and until 1989 everybody thought he was about as talented as pop-fop-flop Gareth Gates. Following the first publication of a genuine Brown caricature in ALS issue four, everybody was convinced of this fact.

Nevertheless, he stuck at the scribbling and fifteen years on Robin is making waves in the paddling pool that is Sunderland’s graphic design world. Throughout that time he has drawn strange and bizarre interpretations of Sunderland players for A Love Supreme, and in a recent vote of drunk people in the Museum Vaults was officially elected as the World’s Greatest Caricaturist.

When he’s not living off the cache his title commands, Robin supplements his lavish income by donating body parts and drawing pictures of people for money, the illustrative equivalent of prostitution; a draw-whore if you will. This is a source of constant embarrassment to those who call themselves his mates, but is fantastic news for anyone whose friends and relations have birthdays or religious festivals that typically require you to buy them tawdry gifts.

If you’re slightly podgy he’ll turn you into a fat bloater – regardless of how you look, he’ll give you a wass nose, a Jimmy Hill chin and man-breasts… especially if you’re a lass. Obviously, this is no good for people who love themselves, but great to buy as a gift for friends, family and people you don’t like.

Prices start from £25, satisfied customers include Kevin Ball, Mart Poom, Gary Breen and Michael Proctor's mam.

For further info visit Robin's website at www.bornoffside.co.uk